🍔 Thursday 

We got up at 6 am had breakfast and left the house at 8. We traveled for about 2 hours to get to Laust’s school in Malmö. His school is really impressive! They have an indoor skatepark and it’s gigantic! 😍 

After he finished up at school we went for a walk and ended up going to the cafè where we had our first date and our very first coffee together. We went to that cafè on our wedding day too. Right after the ceremony. We also hung a lock with our names on it.


And almost a year later, IT’S STILL THERE!!! 😍❤️

We got coffe and I had tons of emails to send, so we stayed for about an hour at Le crossiant, which is a French cafè that had us reminiscing about our good times in France 🇫🇷. 

We then went back and continued our walk, and decided to visit my old place. I used to live in a flat that was above a cafè where I worked a few years ago. I got to show and tell Laust about the place. The good and the bad. The place kinda looked the same, but at the same time it didn’t. They have done major changes, expanded the kitchen and built another room on the second floor. I miss living there. And I’m so very grateful for having had the opportunity to be surrounded by the people who run it. And they’re one of the few people I can say thank you to. It’s thanks to them and others that I am where I am today. 

After saying hi to a few people, and getting shocked over the fact that so many have moved..  we walked around so more, and thn than I finally went and saw a doctor. 

I found out that I’m alright, but for more precise tests I need to go to Bjärred and get a check up. But I suffer from anxiety and stress. 

We then decided to get the train back to Copenhagen and grab something to eat. We barely ate anything other than breakfast and a vegetarian lunch that day.. which was basically a curry bean sandwich.. I’m not that into beans 🤓

Laust wanted to go to yoburger but I was too hungry to walk all the way there, so we went to Tgi Fridays and got burgers. DELICIOUS BURGERS 😍

We started by getting appetisers, I got mozzarella sticks and Laust got chicken strips. The burger I got was the jack Daniels chicken sandwich, which isn’t really a burger burger 🍔 and Laust pulled meat burger which had a big chunk of homemade delicious fried onions 🍔 


I got myself a glass of lemonade 🍋 everything about this meal was perfect!!

 

Definitely one of the best burgers I’ve had. 

The best burger place in order of tastiness: 

  1. Five guys 
  2. O’Learys 
  3. Tgi Fridays 


The best part about the meal and the entire day, is this guy here 💖 The purpose of the spoil yourself parade yesterday, was mostly because Laust got accepted to the school he applied for, and I’M SO PROUD OF HIM!! He’s done an amazing job!! And he’s earned it! 😍 We also got ourself an apartment!!! Thanks to Laust’s sister Lise!! 😍 She posted a story on her instagram and got a heaps of messages, and one of those messages had the perfect apartment for us!! 😍 It all seems unreal! I still can’t believe it! But everything is falling into place!!! 😍🙏🏼 

xx 

🍔 Thursday 

Leather pants and black lashes 💯


Quick update on one of my favourite outfit and lashes! 

I got the top from ROMWE. And everyone that has ever seen me wear it, keeps asking me where it is from and what’s the deal with the website. 

And let me tell you! That website is amazing! I’ve been getting most of my stuff from there. And I can’t ever get enough! The eyelashes that I wore that day were also from ROMWE! And they are still the best eyelashes that I have ever used! 

They came in a pack of 5. And I used lash glue that my sister bought me from Boots.

The trouser I wore are from Zara. They are faux leather, barely any stretch, but they are so comfy! Love them! 


These lashes are the perfect fit for medium sized eyes! 

Leather pants and black lashes 💯

Taco night! 

We’ve been eating a lot lately, and it feels so good! So to all the haters that keep calling me fat.. I think you’re just jealous because you can’t enjoy food as I do.


Laust made dinner tonight, and it tasted so so good! My second favourite thing to eat is obviously tacos 🌮 

Second week in a row we have it! It’s one of the easiest meals to prepare! And it’s really healthy! 😍


Afterwards, we had chocolate 🍫 pie for dessert! Laust picked it up from the store. And when I say we.. I mean I had pie. 😂😍 

Taco night! 

I’m back! 

A lot has happened lately.. it all started with me getting off the plane and wanting a fresh start. 

So I took a break where I have been indecisive about wanting to blog on here or try a differnt blog portal. But I can’t give this up now that I’ve come this far.


No matter how much hate I get, I won’t ever stop being me. 

I was supposed to be back in Glasgow on the 1st of May. But I just couldn’t.. the flight was delayed. I missed Laust too much. And I really couldn’t stand going back.. 

So I got off. Right before they closed the plane doors. Sounds very overdramtic and just like how it happens in all the movies. 
And yes it was just like that. That easy. And this break has been amazing. I’ve managed to get all of my work done. And I’ve barely got anything left except for the graded unit. Which I will be flying back for on the 15th. 

This has been a very stressful time. And I can’t believe this year is almost over.
I will continue blogging on here. And I will not ever let anyone’s hate get me down. 
xx

I’m back! 

Opening old wounds.. 

Through writing I often try and open up every part of me that hurts, that way I can get to know myself better and also experience everything all over again and that helps me process it and view it differently, I often try and see everyone else’s point of view, it’s like a story.. where everyone is the main character and they all take turns on who’s telling the actual story.

Looking into my own past helps me. I can develop my own writing skills, and my own fantasy. 

I hope no one gets offended by my writing. I try not to include names in my “tell it all”.

Opening old wounds.. 

One of many. 

This might be a bit too personal.. but something inside of me is screaming for me to share this.. And honestly.. not talking about things like that.. makes people think it’s not real. Not common. But depression is real. It happens to a lot of people. And there is nothing wrong with anyone who suffers. 

They are not crazy

I don’t remember much of that particular day.. but I know it was in the 9th grade.. I might have been 14 1/2 at the time.. not that sure.. it was a really difficult time for me back then.. I don’t really know why.. it wasn’t just being bullied.. or being left out.. or alone.. I thought I was fine.. I was seeing someone..  or many.. so called therapists,physiologists, “adults”  did the whole talk about what’s wrong, get told why things are the way they are.. and leave with a smile pretending everything is alright now that I let everything out, “I feel lighter” “heavy weight has been taken off my shoulders”

But not many know this.. barely anyone to be honest.. the one I told.. didn’t seem to care.. even when I showed her the cuts on my arms.. I remember we were in a small computer room at school.. I was wearing a knitted navy blue sweater.. that made me really itchy.. and the more I itched the more I bled, and even when I told her that hey I tried to kill myself a few days ago. All she could say was why – we didn’t speak much after that. 

It all started with me skipping school that day. That place was hell for me. Bjärrhovskolan. But I didn’t always let it show.. no one knew.. although I wasn’t that discreet when it came to skipping classes and my grades.. but nobody cared.. teachers treated me as the bum they thought I was.. 

I skipped that day.. my mum got mad.. but she still had to go to work.. my dad was working in Stockholm.. and he wasn’t coming home this weekend.. and my sister was at school.. it was her first year at Katedralskolan.. so it was the perfect time..

I raided the medicine cabinet.. I took every Alvedon, ipren and painkiller I could find.. I had atleast 30-50 pills.. I sat in bed.. sorting them.. size by size.. kind by kind.. I poured myself a big glas of water.. made sure the tap was running for a really long time.. so it would be cold cold 

I started taking them one by one.. I didn’t feel anything.. so I went on two by two.. till there were none.. I remember feeling dizzy afterwards and then passing out.. my stomach hurt a lot when I later on woke up.. I don’t remember much of what happened.. everything was blurry, I don’t know if I passed out for hours or minutes.. I couldn’t move once I was fully awake.. I couldn’t speak.. my head hurt my stomach hurt.. I had a few messages from my mum on my phone.. asking if I feel better.. I panicked on the inside.. I called my sister saying hey I tried to die and now I’m sick.. I don’t think she understood me.. I didn’t understand myself at the point.. I panicked some more and called a suicide hotline for help.. they kept asking for my name and address so I hung up right away..

I started messaging my sister begging her to come home.. she refused because school was super important back then.. (not any different now) she called Mum.. and told her.. 

Mum came home.. found me in a pile of my own vomit in bed.. she was furious.. 

They emptied the house of every pill that’s ever been there.. And my dad found out of course.. 
And all I could think in that moment was.. that I’m that big of a failure that I failed my own suicide.. 
Life didn’t get any better after that.. but here I am. Alive and well. And I found and lost happiness, love, friends, moneyat least a million times. And it doesn’t bother me. I’m happy to be here. 

And I’m happy that you are too. 

Life isn’t worth fighting against. So live. Experience. Love. Laugh. Cry. SCREAM THE FUCK OUT. 

Honestly. If knew that my life would look the way it does now back then.. well I’d never attempt suicide.. I’d never do anything.. other than be thankful. Because right now.. life is beyond everything I’ve ever expected. 


It does get better.


And I am a living proof of it. 



One of many.